Ok so I feel like my head is going to explode... and have felt this way for a few days... ick. the baby has it too. poor Greyson is so snotty and icky... uck...
anyhow... that is why I havent been on here in like days... I feel like poop. Mom and I did go shopping on saturday in Sioux Falls, that was fun... and the boys got new stuffies I will go on about... and I have some pics I am going to post, but not tonight... I feel too much like poo...
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Autism.... the disaster
*BANG*
*BANG BANG*
"Kassie... You need to get up... Emmett is in the bathroom and there is water everywhere... There is water downstairs and I need to go clean it up..."
Not really the best way to start any day... Emmett decided at god only knows what time this morning that he would take a bath. The unfortunate part is that when he takes a bath he likes the water to run. (always cold, but always running) Which means that he had the tub completely overflowing. There was about 2 inches of water covering the bathroom floor, which in turns means that somewhere it leaked and is also covering my mothers bathroom which is in the basement directly below our bathroom up here.
what is someone in my postition supposed to do? I cant be awake ALL the time, which is really what needs to be done. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 and is up anywhere from 4 am to 8 am. I cant shut him in his room because if he cannot get out then he plays in his poop and we have it all over him, and the walls, and his brothers, and his bed, and EVERYWHERE... and im not talking once in a while. we tried the shutting him in his room approach... and it happens daily. punnishment is nothing to him. he can be put in time out, he can be told how naughty it is to do what he has done, he can even be spanked and it makes no difference to him. I dont know if it is his autism that is preventing him from understanding the whole "if your naughty you have consequenses" or if it is just his personality that doesnt care... I cannot get him to come and wake me up when he gets up. sometimes he will, but most of the time I wake to find him eating a whole carton of ice cream, or making his own chocolate milk (as convienient as that sounds, it really isnt because he ends up with milk everywhere as well as chocolate syrup everywhere) I am scared to death that one day I am going to wake to not find him at all because he has decided to go outside.... He is quite rescourseful as he knows if he cant reach somethign then if he gets a chair he can. and he is strong so its nothing for him to drag something to where he needs to be to stand on it. What is someone in my position supposed to do?
it is so frustrating to have autism completely consume your life... its like your trapped. no way out and really no solution. I love him, more than anything, but as time goes on, more and more of this type of things happens and I find myself wondering how long I can manage to really care for him safely and properly. That terrifys me and saddens me a whole lot. I am mom, I am suppposed to be able to do this type of thing, it is my job, it is what I am made to do. what becomes of me if I fail one of my children for ANY reason? Everyday life gets harder for me. I wonder if it is harder for him... or if he is even affected by it at all.
Yesterday Lu got her fish tank all set up and we went to the store and bought her fish. within an hour emmett got in there and dumped her entire container of food into her tank... almost killed her little crab that she bought... and I had to clean the tank again not even an hour after it was set up.
I also start thinking how unfair it is to the rest of the kids. He gets into everything. He ruins most things. What has my family become? Do I resent Emmett? no. not at all. but I am frustrated, I am sad, I am feeling as though I am failing him and everyone else because I dont know the answers to this autism problem. and because I dont have the answers, it affects EVERYBODY...
as I sit and write this, I shake my head. How is it possible to have a huge knot in my stomach at the same time there is this huge empty feeling?
My home is going to have to become like a prison. Locks kept locked on everydoor, all the time. I dont like it, but it appears that is what needs to be done.
right now I think I am written out... I am not sure what more to write, though I know I can feel there is much more that needs to be written....
*BANG BANG*
"Kassie... You need to get up... Emmett is in the bathroom and there is water everywhere... There is water downstairs and I need to go clean it up..."
Not really the best way to start any day... Emmett decided at god only knows what time this morning that he would take a bath. The unfortunate part is that when he takes a bath he likes the water to run. (always cold, but always running) Which means that he had the tub completely overflowing. There was about 2 inches of water covering the bathroom floor, which in turns means that somewhere it leaked and is also covering my mothers bathroom which is in the basement directly below our bathroom up here.
what is someone in my postition supposed to do? I cant be awake ALL the time, which is really what needs to be done. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 and is up anywhere from 4 am to 8 am. I cant shut him in his room because if he cannot get out then he plays in his poop and we have it all over him, and the walls, and his brothers, and his bed, and EVERYWHERE... and im not talking once in a while. we tried the shutting him in his room approach... and it happens daily. punnishment is nothing to him. he can be put in time out, he can be told how naughty it is to do what he has done, he can even be spanked and it makes no difference to him. I dont know if it is his autism that is preventing him from understanding the whole "if your naughty you have consequenses" or if it is just his personality that doesnt care... I cannot get him to come and wake me up when he gets up. sometimes he will, but most of the time I wake to find him eating a whole carton of ice cream, or making his own chocolate milk (as convienient as that sounds, it really isnt because he ends up with milk everywhere as well as chocolate syrup everywhere) I am scared to death that one day I am going to wake to not find him at all because he has decided to go outside.... He is quite rescourseful as he knows if he cant reach somethign then if he gets a chair he can. and he is strong so its nothing for him to drag something to where he needs to be to stand on it. What is someone in my position supposed to do?
it is so frustrating to have autism completely consume your life... its like your trapped. no way out and really no solution. I love him, more than anything, but as time goes on, more and more of this type of things happens and I find myself wondering how long I can manage to really care for him safely and properly. That terrifys me and saddens me a whole lot. I am mom, I am suppposed to be able to do this type of thing, it is my job, it is what I am made to do. what becomes of me if I fail one of my children for ANY reason? Everyday life gets harder for me. I wonder if it is harder for him... or if he is even affected by it at all.
Yesterday Lu got her fish tank all set up and we went to the store and bought her fish. within an hour emmett got in there and dumped her entire container of food into her tank... almost killed her little crab that she bought... and I had to clean the tank again not even an hour after it was set up.
I also start thinking how unfair it is to the rest of the kids. He gets into everything. He ruins most things. What has my family become? Do I resent Emmett? no. not at all. but I am frustrated, I am sad, I am feeling as though I am failing him and everyone else because I dont know the answers to this autism problem. and because I dont have the answers, it affects EVERYBODY...
as I sit and write this, I shake my head. How is it possible to have a huge knot in my stomach at the same time there is this huge empty feeling?
My home is going to have to become like a prison. Locks kept locked on everydoor, all the time. I dont like it, but it appears that is what needs to be done.
right now I think I am written out... I am not sure what more to write, though I know I can feel there is much more that needs to be written....
Friday, January 22, 2010
Call me slow... But I just dont get it...
Why does my blood pressure go through the roof when I look into my sweet 3 year olds eyes after this last week? He has always been a child of 2 colors... either very white and innocent and sweet... or very black and naughty and down right evil at times... He got strep throat last week... and since then it has been utter hell on wheels. I just dont get it. Why must we whine and throw a tantrum at the very second he doesnt think he is getting what he wants? Why must we pull the dry cereal out of the box and drop the flakes one by one onto the floor from the counter? Why must we again pull that dry cereal out of the box, place the box on the floor on its side and put our 2 handfuls of cereal on top of the box and smash it? Why must we feed the fish (which we are not supposed to be feeding to start with) every morsel of fish food we can find in the house? and why OH WHY... must we put the word mom at the end of EVERYTHING we say to mom? (and its not just "mom" its Mooooooooommmmm" Call me slow, But I just dont get it...
"mom can I have a popcicle moooommmm?"
no, not right now.
"You dont let me eat ANYTHING mooommmm! - Can I have chips?"
no, not right now.
"You GET ME some chips... I want Chips Mooooommmm!"
oh dear... what has happened to this sweet child? He suddenly thinks that he owns the place or something. It is sort of funny in that not-so-funny way, that he thinks I am actually going to do these things that he is ORDERING me to do... and then when I dont... well you guessed it... ALL hell brakes loose. We scream, We throw our selves on the floor and kick our feet and bang our fists... all to be ignored by me... Mooooommmm. Then when that doesnt work we walk up to moooooommmmm and put our hands straight up in the air and jump up and down with our palms against mom... (which given his height, when he stands in front of me and does this, well lets say from an adult standpoint I'm sure it doesnt look very appropriate!) (oh and I should mention that this is probablys my BIGGEST pet peeve!)and of course we are whining the whole time we are doing this... about what ever it is that we want that mom isnt jumping right up to serve us on a golden platter...
and this has been non stop for the last ohh about 10 days...
Maybe that is why my blood pressure goes throught the roof when I see his sweet little face...
ooh yes.. I love him...
"mom can I have a popcicle moooommmm?"
no, not right now.
"You dont let me eat ANYTHING mooommmm! - Can I have chips?"
no, not right now.
"You GET ME some chips... I want Chips Mooooommmm!"
oh dear... what has happened to this sweet child? He suddenly thinks that he owns the place or something. It is sort of funny in that not-so-funny way, that he thinks I am actually going to do these things that he is ORDERING me to do... and then when I dont... well you guessed it... ALL hell brakes loose. We scream, We throw our selves on the floor and kick our feet and bang our fists... all to be ignored by me... Mooooommmm. Then when that doesnt work we walk up to moooooommmmm and put our hands straight up in the air and jump up and down with our palms against mom... (which given his height, when he stands in front of me and does this, well lets say from an adult standpoint I'm sure it doesnt look very appropriate!) (oh and I should mention that this is probablys my BIGGEST pet peeve!)and of course we are whining the whole time we are doing this... about what ever it is that we want that mom isnt jumping right up to serve us on a golden platter...
and this has been non stop for the last ohh about 10 days...
Maybe that is why my blood pressure goes throught the roof when I see his sweet little face...
ooh yes.. I love him...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Just another fun filled day!
Autism.... sometimes it is a 4 letter word I think... Some days are good, some days are bad... some days never end!
So... we have this fish tank right? and we have this 4 year old beautiful boy (who happens to have autism...) and we have this 3 year old onery little cuss (yes he is a beautiful little boy too... but gee... he is evil! lol) and they team up together.... so the other day I go down the stairs to find emmett (the beautiful 4 year old) "feeding the fish". which was sort of a pain in the butt, but not too bad, he put in a handful of food rather than a pinch but all was well for the most part... he also knocked the lid of the tank into the tank... but oh well. so the day goes by and we begin the next day... that is when my devil child played his part. he decided he needed to feed the fish too. which consisted of every decoration not being used being put in the tank as well as a HUGE can of food... and not a little, but the whole thing... as well as a new little can of gold fish food (which he had to open to dump in there)... so needless to say I have had to change the water 2 times in 2 days and will have to do it again tomorow for sure... and probably again the next day to get all the junk out of it... at least today we can see the fish in the tank I suppose.... yesterday it was muddy orange colored water and you couldnt see in it!
woo hoo right? sure....
then we come to emmett finding a marker in his sisters bedroom... (which she is not supposed to have in there due to this very concern) needless to say... we had a beautiful mural of emmetts name all down the hall way... the positive note to that is that he spelled his name very well!
I watch those tv shows that are like jon and kate and 19 kids and counting and whatnot... and I wonder each and every time how in the world they do that. I almost cannot handle the 5 that I have. how do they handle that many? And how in the hell did kate find the time to write books? I have a hard time finding the time or energy to write this blog!
talk about feeling inadiquate... (did I spell that right?) I get up in the morning and unless I have an appointment or have to go somewhere, I am lucky to make it out of my pajamas! (that is not good for morale by the way) I jump right in with house work and feeding and trying to dress kids.... (people wonder why my kids are not dressed most days... it is because as soon as I get their clothes on them at least one if not all of them find a way to take them off otherwise they spill so much on themselves that they must come off... I gotta tell you that I already have enough laundry to do without going thru 3 outfits a day per child!) after the kids are dressed/fed then its on to more house work. I cannot keep up. I try. I really do try. But I cannot do it.
How do these tv moms with a bazillion kids keep their homes clean? I have 5 kids and cant keep my home clean?
Oh well. I suppose that comes with the "normal" territory... maybe those tv moms arent really "normal" even when they are supposed to be?
So... we have this fish tank right? and we have this 4 year old beautiful boy (who happens to have autism...) and we have this 3 year old onery little cuss (yes he is a beautiful little boy too... but gee... he is evil! lol) and they team up together.... so the other day I go down the stairs to find emmett (the beautiful 4 year old) "feeding the fish". which was sort of a pain in the butt, but not too bad, he put in a handful of food rather than a pinch but all was well for the most part... he also knocked the lid of the tank into the tank... but oh well. so the day goes by and we begin the next day... that is when my devil child played his part. he decided he needed to feed the fish too. which consisted of every decoration not being used being put in the tank as well as a HUGE can of food... and not a little, but the whole thing... as well as a new little can of gold fish food (which he had to open to dump in there)... so needless to say I have had to change the water 2 times in 2 days and will have to do it again tomorow for sure... and probably again the next day to get all the junk out of it... at least today we can see the fish in the tank I suppose.... yesterday it was muddy orange colored water and you couldnt see in it!
woo hoo right? sure....
then we come to emmett finding a marker in his sisters bedroom... (which she is not supposed to have in there due to this very concern) needless to say... we had a beautiful mural of emmetts name all down the hall way... the positive note to that is that he spelled his name very well!
I watch those tv shows that are like jon and kate and 19 kids and counting and whatnot... and I wonder each and every time how in the world they do that. I almost cannot handle the 5 that I have. how do they handle that many? And how in the hell did kate find the time to write books? I have a hard time finding the time or energy to write this blog!
talk about feeling inadiquate... (did I spell that right?) I get up in the morning and unless I have an appointment or have to go somewhere, I am lucky to make it out of my pajamas! (that is not good for morale by the way) I jump right in with house work and feeding and trying to dress kids.... (people wonder why my kids are not dressed most days... it is because as soon as I get their clothes on them at least one if not all of them find a way to take them off otherwise they spill so much on themselves that they must come off... I gotta tell you that I already have enough laundry to do without going thru 3 outfits a day per child!) after the kids are dressed/fed then its on to more house work. I cannot keep up. I try. I really do try. But I cannot do it.
How do these tv moms with a bazillion kids keep their homes clean? I have 5 kids and cant keep my home clean?
Oh well. I suppose that comes with the "normal" territory... maybe those tv moms arent really "normal" even when they are supposed to be?
Monday, December 28, 2009
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