Autism.... the disaster

*BANG*
*BANG BANG*
"Kassie... You need to get up... Emmett is in the bathroom and there is water everywhere... There is water downstairs and I need to go clean it up..."


Not really the best way to start any day... Emmett decided at god only knows what time this morning that he would take a bath. The unfortunate part is that when he takes a bath he likes the water to run. (always cold, but always running) Which means that he had the tub completely overflowing. There was about 2 inches of water covering the bathroom floor, which in turns means that somewhere it leaked and is also covering my mothers bathroom which is in the basement directly below our bathroom up here.

what is someone in my postition supposed to do? I cant be awake ALL the time, which is really what needs to be done. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 and is up anywhere from 4 am to 8 am. I cant shut him in his room because if he cannot get out then he plays in his poop and we have it all over him, and the walls, and his brothers, and his bed, and EVERYWHERE... and im not talking once in a while. we tried the shutting him in his room approach... and it happens daily. punnishment is nothing to him. he can be put in time out, he can be told how naughty it is to do what he has done, he can even be spanked and it makes no difference to him. I dont know if it is his autism that is preventing him from understanding the whole "if your naughty you have consequenses" or if it is just his personality that doesnt care... I cannot get him to come and wake me up when he gets up. sometimes he will, but most of the time I wake to find him eating a whole carton of ice cream, or making his own chocolate milk (as convienient as that sounds, it really isnt because he ends up with milk everywhere as well as chocolate syrup everywhere) I am scared to death that one day I am going to wake to not find him at all because he has decided to go outside.... He is quite rescourseful as he knows if he cant reach somethign then if he gets a chair he can. and he is strong so its nothing for him to drag something to where he needs to be to stand on it. What is someone in my position supposed to do?

it is so frustrating to have autism completely consume your life... its like your trapped. no way out and really no solution. I love him, more than anything, but as time goes on, more and more of this type of things happens and I find myself wondering how long I can manage to really care for him safely and properly. That terrifys me and saddens me a whole lot. I am mom, I am suppposed to be able to do this type of thing, it is my job, it is what I am made to do. what becomes of me if I fail one of my children for ANY reason? Everyday life gets harder for me. I wonder if it is harder for him... or if he is even affected by it at all.

Yesterday Lu got her fish tank all set up and we went to the store and bought her fish. within an hour emmett got in there and dumped her entire container of food into her tank... almost killed her little crab that she bought... and I had to clean the tank again not even an hour after it was set up.

I also start thinking how unfair it is to the rest of the kids. He gets into everything. He ruins most things. What has my family become? Do I resent Emmett? no. not at all. but I am frustrated, I am sad, I am feeling as though I am failing him and everyone else because I dont know the answers to this autism problem. and because I dont have the answers, it affects EVERYBODY...

as I sit and write this, I shake my head. How is it possible to have a huge knot in my stomach at the same time there is this huge empty feeling?

My home is going to have to become like a prison. Locks kept locked on everydoor, all the time. I dont like it, but it appears that is what needs to be done.

right now I think I am written out... I am not sure what more to write, though I know I can feel there is much more that needs to be written....